Friday, September 30, 2005

Parallel Universes

It is so interesting for me to hear old friends, colleagues and acquaintances on the radio or to see them on TV. It always makes me feel like I’ve landed in some kind of bizarre Parallel Universe. Because one thing I have learned over the years is that there are many worlds within this world. What I mean is that the reality that you are currently in seems to be all there is at times. You almost start to feel like the whole world must live the way you do.

For instance, when I was hanging out in the Amsterdam club scene as a teenager I felt like the whole world existed of “the three P’s”, Pushers, Pimp and Prostitutes (even though I obviously wasn’t one of them myself ; )

When I was working for MTV and hanging out with pop stars (a world only slightly less seedy than the Amsterdam club scene), it felt like everyone was constantly flying from Hong Kong to LA to London and went from photo shoot to photo shoot, performing at festivals, getting trashed in VIP rooms and got freaky fan mail.

To see and hear people that I once shared “that world” with & knowing that they are still in that place just seems so unreal to me now. It almost feels to me like it should have stopped when I stepped out of it, but seeing and hearing my old acquaintances in the media reminds me that that Universe never imploded after all and is actually still very much alive.

These days, I listen and watch them with mixed emotions. On the one hand I feel a bit jealous and on the other hand I am so glad that I moved on. For instance, I totally admire people like Moby, Fatboy Slim, The Chemical Brothers and others who are still making great dance music. But I could not deal with that lifestyle anymore. Late nights, smoky night clubs (if they are anywhere but in the United States), kids on drugs, VIP rooms, tour buses, hotel rooms, waiting back stage until it is time to work, fake friends, fake handshakes, dealing with “the guys in suits” (record labels, lawyers, TV executives, accountants, sponsors, etc.) and all the other crap that you have to put up with to be successful in that world.

I actually once had a nightmare when I was still working as an MTV Veejay. It was based on the movie “Whatever happened to Baby Jane” (did you ever see that?) Anyway, I dreamed that I was in the dressing room getting ready to do a show and looked like “Baby Jane”, an old woman with doll-like make-up and pigtails. In the dream I was surrounded by lots of young people. I, on the other hand, was an old woman but was still presenting on MTV. I woke up that morning and knew that it was time for me to leave MTV (I had already been there for almost 8 years at that point).

So, here I am now. I am 33 years old. I do not look like Baby Jane and am pretty sure that I never will. I’m living in the jungle, I try and raise my little boy as well as I can, together with Andy I have started an extremely successful jungle resort and adventure travel business, I have an expanding belly with baby-boy number two in there & I wonder what it all means.

If my past is anything to go by, I expect my life to drastically change again some time in the future. And this “jungle world” that I live in now will seem like a distant dream once again. But from all the Parallel Universes out there which one will I chose to spend time in next? That’s the only question I can’t answer yet.